


Of Loss and Love

by searider_Falcon



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-04
Updated: 2018-09-04
Packaged: 2019-07-06 23:57:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15896754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/searider_Falcon/pseuds/searider_Falcon
Summary: An expansion of one of the characters from my longer piece, the Captain and Her Angry Warrior which you can find on here. You don't need to read it to understand this story but it does contain a spoiler for the Captain and Her Angry Warrior so be warned. You could probably still enjoy the longer work even if you read this one first.Edward reminisces about his loved ones on his birthday.





	Of Loss and Love

**Author's Note:**

> When I wrote new characters in my longer work, The Captain and Her Angry Warrior, I found that Edward was the most interesting to write about. This story popped into my head and after watching a bought of TNG episodes, I found myself paralleling his story with Geordi's in the episode Interface. It worked well enough. It has just the right amount of J/C fluffy and some bad dialogue, so enjoy some fluffy ficlet trash. :)
> 
> I wrote this one in between a longer piece and making a list of more stories ideas. I'm worried that the longer piece, which has nothing to do with this story, will end up too much like Bending the Rules (another one of mine) but some days I don't care and some days I'm overwhelmed with so much self doubt I can't finish it.... 
> 
> Anyway - enjoy this fluffy one!

Edward Janeway sat alone in his quarters. He was on medical leave while he recovered from a strange alien virus he caught while on an away mission. The ship’s doctor treated him and released him to his quarters for three days of relaxation and recovery. He would have preferred to be on the bridge. It would take his mind off of the fact that his birthday was yesterday. Twenty-nine years old, ship’s second officer and a Janeway too boot, his life was stellar and yet, Edward did not feel stellar. The alien virus didn’t help but it wasn’t just the occasional upset stomach or coughing fit that caused his funk. This was the first birthday without his mother and father. The words, dead, died, and gone were accurate but still felt raw and Edward didn’t like to refer to his mother and father that way. Hearing or thinking of those words felt like punches to the gut. The pain that corresponded with those thoughts shot straight through him. They sent a cold wave over his skin and the feeling of his stomach dropping to his feet. Yet, he longed to hear his parents’ voices. He wanted to see their faces again or feel his mother’s hands on his cheeks as she smiled at him in greeting before pulling him into a tight hug. He missed boxing workouts with his father at Starfleet Academy. He missed stories of their time on Voyager. He missed everything. 

With a barely suppressed cough, Edward pulled his desktop monitor toward him from where it sat on a coffee table in front of his couch. Accessing the console, Edward pulled up a file. An old recording. One that he kept copies of, along with many other messages he stored in his personal database. The message appeared on the screen and Edward smiled at the image of his mother.She was sitting in her office, but not at her desk. He recognized her admiral’s uniform and red hair, with its streaks of gray. She wore it longer and up in a bun. His father always seemed to like her long hair. Edward played the message. 

“Hello baby,” said the recording of Kathryn Janeway, who smiled widely at the screen.

Edward felt his heart twist with longing at his mother smile. He wished he could hear her voice again, fresh and new, instead of this recording. 

“Happy birthday! I can’t wait to celebrate with you when you return to Earth next week. Your brother is planning on attending and your sister may be there too. Taya’s been busy with her research, she found a resilient breed of Talaxlian tomatoes that grow well in dry environments and that’s been consuming her time lately. You know how she can be, her work is all consuming, but I think I have her convinced that she could use some time off, and to use that time with family. We don’t spend enough time together with everyone scattered all over the universe.”

Edward shook his head, both his siblings were still on Earth, he was the only one enjoying space travel and yet his mother often said that they were all too far away. As if she wanted to keep all her baby birds in the nest with her.  
The recording of his mother waved a hand as if to say ‘but that’s not what I’m here to talk about’ and continued,

“Anyway, I read your letter over and over. Second officer. Congratulations! I’m so proud of you. You made it faster than I did.”

Edward sighed as she paused to take a sip of her coffee. It was so like her. Something she passed on to his older siblings but he never acquired a taste for it. He preferred tea, like his father. 

“I’ll make your grandma’s caramel brownies for you when you get here. I know they’re your favorite.”  
She held up a hand, “I know, I know, you prefer your father’s cooking. I promise he’ll help, but in my defense the replicator in the kitchen hates me.”

Edward chuckled and shook his head. His mother insisted that somehow the replicator in her quarters on Voyager communicated with the one in their home kitchen and refused to produce edible dishes. It was a running joke in their family. 

His mother sighed, “I miss you baby. I was thinking about when you were little…” she said with a wistful tone and a smile, “You were such a determined boy. You still are. I remember when you were learning to walk...you wanted to keep up with your brother and sister so badly that you worked so hard to learn to do it. And you wanted to do it on your own. I tried to help, of course, but your father, in his infinite patience and wisdom, told me to wait and soon there you were. Walking at an early age all by yourself. I was so proud!”

She gazed at the screen as if lost in memory before she snapped out of it with a little shake of her head.

“I won’t keep you any longer. I told your father to send a message too. We’ve both been so busy lately. I told him I’d order him to record a message if he didn’t do it soon. I still outrank him, even if he’s close to retirement. Contact us when you arrive in orbit. I love you and happy birthday my beautiful baby boy.” 

She kissed her fingers and then pressed them to the screen. The message ended and Edward pulled up another file. The image of his father appeared, his hair a lot grayer, almost turning white, his face more lined. Edward recognized the background behind him. It was the living room of their home. He was sitting at the desk, Edward sat there himself as he worked on homework throughout his school days. He played the message. His father smiled, his dimples showing.

“Hey, Eddie,” said Chakotay, “Happy Birthday, bud. Sorry I can’t be there the day of, but when we see you next week, maybe we can go on a hike or something to make up for it. I don’t think my back or jaw could take another knockout from a boxing match,” he said with a smile, “I miss you. Your mother told me about your promotion. Congratulations. Keep this up and you’ll make captain soon. When you get here, I think your mother will have some caramel brownies ready for you. If she doesn’t burn them first.”

“I heard that,” his mother called from off screen. 

Chakotay grinned and looked to the side as Kathryn joined her husband at the desk. She ran a hand up Chakotay’s shoulder and rested it there. 

“I assure you they will be edible once you arrive,” said his mother. 

“Anyway, happy birthday,” said Chakotay, “I’m proud you. You’ve really achieved so much since graduation. I can’t wait to talk with you about it. Are you still sure you want to be a captain? You know the first officer position is where the real work is.”

His mother playful swatted his shoulder and Chakotay grinned. Edward couldn’t help but laugh a little even as the pain of his loss cut through him like a plasma torch. 

“Don’t listen to him. Keep up the hard work and you’ll be an excellent captain,” said his mother. 

Edward smiled at the screen. Then the door chime to his quarters rang. He paused the recording. 

“Come in,” he said, looking toward the door. 

His captain, Julia Krasinski stood in the doorframe as the doors opened with swish. She was much older than him but Edward could tell she was still beautiful. Captain Krasinski reminded him of his mother a lot. She was strong, proud, and a respected leader. Edward moved to stand but his captain held up her hand as she walked toward him. 

“As you were,” she said, stepping in Edward’s quarters, “I was just checking up to see how you were doing.” 

Edward eased himself back down onto the couch. 

“I’m fine…” he said but after his captain’s intent stare he added, “I’m still recovering. The doctor said it would take a few days. I’m afraid he’s right about that.” 

Captain Krasinski nodded, “Well, we all miss you on the bridge, but you make sure you’re back at one-hundred percent.” 

“Aye captain,” Edward said with a smile. 

Captain Krasinski looked at the desktop monitor on Edward’s coffee table. She nodded to the screen before she moved to sit in a chair near the couch. 

“Your mother and father?” she asked although Edward already knew, Captain Krasinski met his parents on numerous occasions and knew who they were. Everyone knew who they were. “I’m sorry to hear that they died. How are you holding up?” 

Edward took a long time to answer. He swallowed hard as he fought back tears. Looking at photos of his parents or even watching the recordings was one thing but talking about them, it produced a lump in his throat. Determined not to cry in front of his captain, he straighten his shoulders, much like his mother used to do and stared at the desktop monitor. His parents smiled frozen on the screen. 

“I’m okay. It’s been difficult, knowing I won’t see them again. There’s so much I won’t be able to talk to them about. So much they won’t know…” he trailed off, his thoughts too painful. 

Captain Krasinski nodded and they sat in silence for a moment. 

“I find it comforting to remember that they loved you. That’s how I remember my father. He gave me a life full of love and the little I know of your parents, their life was full of it. And they were proud of you,” said Captain Krasinski.

Edward didn’t respond but continued to stare at the screen. 

“It’s true. The few times I spoke with them, their pride and adoration for their children seemed to radidate from them. The love they shared with you, with each other, it was something people envied,” said Captain Krasinski. She laughed a little at a memory before continuing, “I uh, accidentally walked in on them kissing once at a Starfleet function. They were in a deserted corridor and well…it was kind of hard to miss how much they cared for each other. Your mother took the situation in stride, changing the subject to how she expected no special treatment toward you while you were under my command. I have to say, I was far more embarrassed by the situation than either of them were.”

Edward couldn’t image why Captain Krasinski was telling him this. It’s not like he wanted to hear about how his parents were caught kissing at a Starfleet function, and yet, it was so them. It brought him a little comfort that people outside his family knew how much his parents loved each other. 

“You’re not the only one,” Edward said with an exasperated smile, remembering a time where he had caught them kissing on the balcony of their home, “That happened a lot but you’re right. They always seemed extremely happy when they were together.”

He looked to the monitor and his parents’ frozen image, smiling back at him. Captain Krasinski smiled too. 

“Well, get some rest, I want you back on the bridge as soon as the doctor has cleared you for duty,” said his captain. 

“Yes ma’am,” said Edward. 

Captain Krasinski stood and with another smile, she left Edward’s quarters. Edward leaned forward and pressed the console’s buttons to continue playing the message that was paused.

“Happy birthday, son,” said Chakotay, “we love you.”

His mother kissed her fingers and pressed them to the screen before she rested her head against his father’s, her chin on his shoulder. 

“See you soon baby,” his mother added. 

They grinned again at the screen before they both reached forward to end the recording. Kathryn swatted Chakotay’s hand away and Chakotay let out a chuckle before she stopped the recording.  
The screen went blank and Edward leaned back on the couch. He stared at the darkened screen and saw his reflection. His dark hair, much like his father’s was messy, having not bothered to tame his bed head from that morning, and the scruffy beginnings of a beard grew on his cheeks. His father often said that even though he had dark hair instead of red, Edward resembled his mother. Looking at his reflection in the screen, his bright blue eyes stared back at him, Edward could tell his father was right. They were his mother’s eyes and another jolt of loss shot through him. 

“I miss you,” Edward said aloud. 

He couldn’t stop the tear that leaked from the corner of his eye. He brushed it away. He thought of his father and how he used to center himself with a deep breath and focused thoughts. His mother would straighten her shoulders, focus on the mission, and remind herself of the important things in life. He was a Janeway. Son of the famous Admiral Kathryn Janeway and her former first officer, Chakotay; two respected Starfleet officers. He himself was on that same path, much like his namesake, his grandfather; his mother’s father whom she loved dearly. He would make them proud. He already had and now he would make himself proud. 

Edward sat up and played the messages again. 

This time, the pain felt less sharp when he saw his mother’s face.


End file.
